The Contents of a Homicidal Cake (or A Recipe for a Fiery Friendship)
by L-lamer
Summary: And in retrospect, chocolate cake and homicidal ideation should not have gone hand in hand. Alternatively known as the simple way in which despicably terrible pyromaniacs and homicidal teenagers may somehow become the bestest of friends.


And in retrospect, chocolate cake and homicidal ideation should not have gone hand in hand.

Roxas took a strange, quite sadistic joy from imagining the blood and guts of his peers decorating the grey asphalt. He imagined poor little Namine's chest collapse into itself, spewing blood and tissue onto the ground with a meaty splat, exposing her beating heart and pearly ribs. He grinned at the thought of brute like Rai strung from his innards upon the electrical wire which ran across the school's horizon. He'd even settled with the thought of the spindly, bespectacled Arthur whose freckles could be gouged out and replaced with rusted nails.

Oh, he knew that he was not normal, for which other teenager would be content imagining the creative demise of the student body whilst chomping on a slice of rich chocolate cake?

He'd begun to chew more thoughtfully as a voice rang across the playground which lay perpendicularly from his sagged form. His mind was forcibly dragged from the pits of splintered bone and conglomerated, bleeding organs to a more mundane occurrence. Idly thumbing at the calloused, cracked green paint of the rotting bench, he curiously listened to the smooth voice which rung across the park  
"Y'know" The voice began, oddly betraying the gravelly tone of its user, "Santa isn't real."  
He felt his lips quirk upward when faced with the disproportionately skinny form of a fellow, barely older than himself. His smirk morphed into a toothy grin when those green, green eyes found his own. Roxas didn't pay attention to the small trio of children whose scandalised gasps rung out.  
"No way! You're lying." One of them had said only for the intriguing boy to coolly reply,  
"Oh- and the Sand Man is real but don't look under your little beds because he'll gobble you right up." He'd proceeded to stroll towards Roxas, who slouched on the bench, thoroughly impressed by the cruel antics of the lanky boy.

"Those poor kids." He'd said in mock disapproval, face contorted into a faux pout, "I think you just screwed 'em up for life."  
"Oh, man-" exclaimed the stranger as he held his hands up in defence, "How could I?" The fellow was damn tall, Roxas mused when the other boy's muted read hear assaulted his vision as his equally lanky shadow fell upon the blond boy's form before sitting beside him. The pungent odour of stale cigarettes seemed to permeate his little bubble of freshly mown grass and decapitated bodies as the fellow moved to face him.  
"Have we met before?" asked the ridiculously tall stranger, eyebrows quirked upward in honest curiosity, prompting Roxas to search for the boy's unsettlingly symmetrical face in his mind of spilt organs and fractured bone fragments. He _was _familiar now that he'd reflected on it.  
"No," he'd hummed after a moment of careful thought, "but now that you mention it, you do look kind of familiar." The conversation was quickly growing polite, almost boring so Roxas distractedly begun counting the disgusting pimples which scattered the boy's greasy face like constellations. He imagined connecting the dots on the sickly pale canvas before him with a lovely little knife. The ways to kill this boy, more comprised of limbs, wiry hair and pimples, was more promising than the conversation which had fallen into a lapse of silence.  
"The name's Axel." the lanky boy finally said, elbowing him slightly.  
"…Right-my name's Roxas." he replied. Where had he heard that name before?

"Wait!" Roxas exclaimed, the labyrinth of his mind supplying him with the image of Axel's charred face and seared eyebrows, "You're that kid who almost blew up our art classroom!" To this, Axel's (very much regrown) eyebrows shot up.  
"Holy shit! Blondie? The kid from the biology building's curb?"  
That embarrassing moment instantly flashed in Roxas's mind as he'd grinned.  
"I remember you now!"  
Axel ruffled his spikes nervously before a playful grin split across his face, "I'm _still_ the finest pyromaniac you'll ever meet?" It had come off as a weak question but the poor fool hadn't a moment to continue when Roxas felt his lungs ache as he began to cackle. Gasping for breath as laughter shook his whole frame. He'd ignored Axel's offended expression.  
"Wait- …you…a- a pyromaniac?" he'd stuttered through laughter which quickly peeled away to more callous amusement, "You burnt off your eyebrows! You wouldn't go near a flame for rest of the term!" Axel's unimpressed grimace quickly turned into a smirk.  
"And you're that 'homicidal maniac' who had to sit outside of his biology class when you were dissecting cow hearts." The red tint to the other boy was the sole give away to his embarrassment as he'd directed the verbal attack at Roxas who quickly stopped laughing "I remember now! I talked with you as you were seconds from puking all over the pavement. You were so damn pale I thought you'd faint."  
"Hey!" he'd gasped, offended "It was the _smell_."  
"You're full of shit." Axel said, matter-of-factly and Roxas rolled his eyes and fought the grin which was tugging at his lips.  
Perhaps their conversation was not so boring…

"So…" The self-proclaimed murderer was really curious now, "Why were you being so cruel to those kids?" Their laughter had died away when he'd asked the question.  
"Well, I heard they were bullying my kid bro so I just… fixed things."

"Ha…right!" Roxas exclaimed "That's how you deal with your problems."  
"Okay, wow. Who peed in _your _cereal this morning?"  
"Stuff off."

Both of them broke out into unrestrained grins as it became clear that this was the start of a great (and flamingly murderous) friendship.

* * *

Hey guys, Drew here!  
After a month of deliberation, I finally got along to posting this. This is kind of dedicated to my brownest partner in crime Samantha who truly is the homicidal maniac to the shitty pyromaniac. It may be a little strange but I drew this from our friendship like cheers to my fellow piece of trash I guess.

Enjoy some platonic akuroku

\- Drew


End file.
